Marriage doesn’t change anything. So, if you think that marriage is going to suddenly make you happy, or magically bring your partner closer to you, or foolishly save your dying relationship, please find something more fun to do with your money. Go travel or something.
June 27th marked my 4th year being married to my soulmate. Four years of rainbows, butterflies, and love letters? No.
I didn’t get a grand proposal. I didn’t get a diamond ring. I didn’t get a 200 people wedding. I didn’t get long emotional awkward vows in front of everyone. I didn’t get any of this. Truth is, I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t need any of this. To me, all of this is a huge waste of money that I’d rather put in some more fulfilling things than jewelries and puffy dresses.
A wedding is a union between two human adults who want to commit to each other and declare that they are ready to (hopefully) spend the rest of their lives together. It is a way to embrace their love and scream it at the top of their lungs. Beautiful. But, in reality, we definitely know that divorce rate is through the roof! We know that a lot of happy couples end up cheating on each other! So, why getting married then? Why go through that intense circus-like event? I know that there is a religious purpose here, but as an atheist myself, I don’t relate to that at all.
To me, marriage is not to be taken either to lightly nor too seriously. I also do not think that it is a decision to be made just because “ that’s the next step for us ” or because “ that’s what we’re supposed to do after being together for that long, right? ” No. Marriage is such a personal and intimate thing, that no society norms should decide for the people involved how it’s supposed to be or when it is supposed to be.
I think that I always knew I would get married to my soulmate. Eventually. It was like a long distant thought that kinda warmed my not-so-lovey-dovey heart. But then, an opportunity presented itself to us ; being married would allow us to stay together while moving to another country. Yep, the Visa excuse. We jumped. Within two months, we were married.
The wedding itself wasn’t without challenges. I mean, who even gets married after two months of deciding they would…!??! Us, I guess. Yes, that was totally us. The new us, I should say. The us that decides to move to another country and to start a new life that is totally amazingly magically different from the one they had before. In that ceremony, we decided to deeply commit to each other and to make our home wherever the other person would be. We vowed to make each other the happiest people there is.
Marriage doesn’t change anything. Except when it is done right. With profoundly connected intentions. With the truest sense of who we are and where we wanna go.
Marriage is right when a soul recognizes its other half.
Marriage didn’t change a thing about how we felt for each other. Nor did it change a thing about the nature of our relationship. It didn’t bring us closer together. It didn’t stop the fights or the moments when we are annoyed by the other person. It didn’t make us more pretty or less impatient. It didn’t make us happier. But it gave us a purpose, a direction. It marked a turning point in our lives, because it was aligned with our next move. And it still is.
Marriage doesn’t change anything.