Existing is quite easy, it’s the living part that’s tricky.
Have you ever thought of the difference between these two similar-but-not-that-much words? My understanding is that one simply means having life, or continuing to be, and the other one implies a more active element, a more sparkly quality, like thriving or animated or lively.
I definitely used to exist. I was. Point. My body, my mind, my soul were just nonchalantly being carried from side to side, animated by what I thought living should look like. I always thought that I was making my own decisions, choosing for myself what was best and being a smart grown up human who has her life together and is the master of her destiny and all that crap. Lol, nope. I think that I really was just following others, relying on external opinions and advises to move forward in life. Intuition? Gut feeling? Passion? All foreign to me, to be honest.
Although I liked where I was, aka living in a standard apartment in Montreal and performing a standard assistant-manager job in a nice clothing store, I cannot say that this was truly living. Was I thriving? Was I happy? Was I passionate and fired up about... life? I have to answer no to all of the above. I was existing and being lazy. I wasn’t living and being fulfilled. That’s the difference.
I think that I was lazy because I didn’t question things. I didn’t question if I was even happy. I didn’t question if I could do something different, if perhaps, I could find a way to achieve or, at least, get close to my wildest dreams. I don’t think living is necessarily reaching certain goals or aspirations, but, perhaps it is to work towards what it is that makes us excited and thrilled and want to get out of bed each day, and ENJOYING the bumpy ride.
I am very aware and immensely grateful that I have a well functioning body and a tremendous privilege because of where and when I was born, and I believe that, now, it is time to make the most out of it. I want to stop erecting barriers around my brain that refrain me from moving forward and do what I truly truly deeply want to.
I want to stop waiting and procrastinating and fearing and shying away from brightness. I want to stop (and I actually am stopping) driftingly existing. I want to share and create and learn and grow and see and listen and love and laugh… That sounds a lot more like living to me.
What about you? Are you finding yourself drifting in existence?
If you are so incredibly lucky that you have, right now, the ability to do so, then, what are you waiting for to actually LIVE?