I am scared of people


What will people say?

What do they think about me?

Do they like me?

Will they think I look fine?

So many questions, so little answers. So much anxiety, so little importance. But...


One of the fears that is so extremely common that people don’t even think of it as a fear, but as a normal thing, is the fear of what people think. The fear of being judged and looked at with the meanest resting bitch face. Some people cannot even go out of their house without an inch of makeup in the face because : Oh, no, I could never go out with my bare face.


But, why?


Why are we so attached to whatever some random people that we don’t care about think of us, that we feel the absolute need to modify our comfortable natural state to appear a certain way? I think that societal pressure had us believe that we are not good enough as we are. We grew up thinking that we had to perform, be better. Better grades, better shape, better jokes, better job, better house, better life. The saddest part is that, this better everyone is seeking, is all the same! It is as seen on TV, on advertisements, in magazines, in reality TV…


I always thought that to be happy and fulfilled, I needed to fit in. That I needed to wear makeup everyday, gracefully embody the latest trends, find a cool high paid job, be slim and sleek, have great grades, an important degree and be SUCCESSFUL. Problem was, my idea of SUCCESS was so biased! It was based on nothing profound or carefully thought through. On nothing dear and cherished. On nothing personal and intuitive. It was solely based on my surroundings, my tiny environment, my narrow minded view and a consumerist society obsessed with money.


I was afraid that if I ever ventured too far from the straight path carefully laid before me by my parents, I would be judged. By them, by my friends, by strangers, by everyone. I was afraid that if I did something crazy or stupid, people would laugh at me and hate me. I was afraid that if my hair wasn’t looking good, people in the metro would stare and think I am an idiot. I was afraid to follow my own little heart. I was afraid. I realize just now that, I have always been afraid of my own thoughts, so I was repressing them, drifting into life instead of truly, boldly, magically living it.


It had never crossed my mind that, perhaps, success is what I decide it to be. Moreover, people couldn’t care less about what I am doing, wearing, looking like! Why would I think that I am so important, that people who I don’t even know would care about my physical appearance or what I am doing for a living? And, even crazier, I never thought that, maybe the people who would, in fact, judged me or mock me, are people I absolutely don’t want to have anything to do with.


My success is finding my purpose in life and fulfilling it every day. It is doing, making, creating what the f*** my heart wants to. And no one, no society, no established way of thinking should dictate my actions. Nor yours. Let’s all together fly away form beings that want to decide for us how life should be lived. Let’s break free from the chains we create in our minds that refrain us from being the most blossomed version of ourselves.

Oh yes, I am still afraid of everything. I mean, sometimes, the chains seem so real and thick and tough. But, I certainly had improved since a few years.

The secret is to follow your heart. Always.


Hugs,

Andy L.


#fearofjudgement

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