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Housewife but not desperate

Dernière mise à jour : 22 avr. 2019

On June 27, 2015, I not only became a wife. I became a #housewife.

And here is my story.

In the summer of 2014, my boyfriend had a brilliant idea ; he would apply to a his dream job at his dream company, in the Silicon Valley, California. And he was asking me what I would say if we had the opportunity to move over there, on the other side of the continent. My very spontaneous answer was : '' Yes! ''

Because, as you might have learned here, I wasn’t necessarily happy with my life situation, especially employment wise, at the moment. I was just letting my body float where the current was carrying me. So, apart from my family and friends, I had no deep attachment anchoring me to the safe dock that was Montreal. That is why I guess, the YES came out of my mouth so easily.

Less than a year later, there we were, flying from Montreal to San Francisco with all our possessions. Oh yes, and we got married just a week before.

And suddenly, everything was different.

And suddenly, everything was dark.

And suddenly, everything was clear. Crystal clear.

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to quit your job and not being allowed to have a new one? An abyss, maybe? Paradise, perhaps? For me, it has been a tipping point. A defining moment. The ultimate jump that could make me fall deep into darkness, or fly high above the clouds.

Worthless would be the perfect word to describe how I felt, about two months after having moved to our new neighborhood. I tried to find a visa sponsor for myself, in vain ; turns out, no company needs to hire a foreign fashion marketer. How could I contribute then? What could I do with my life? It seemed like having brunch and mimosas by the pool wasn’t a valid long-term option. In a society where success is synonym of wealth and being busy, I was undoubtedly failing. I was basically garbage; useless, goalless and ambition-less.

The Silicon Valley, is a truly special place. It’s full of opportunities, it’s forward-thinking, it’s fast, it’s strange. Everyone has a really important career and does really important (and super smart) things; they’re engineers and CEOs and scientists. At a party, when meeting someone new, try to tell them that What you do for a living is Nothing, just to see how it makes you feel. Not the greatest, I promise. It was my reality for a while. I know, I may sound like I am complaining with a mouth full, after all, I was in freaking California, where dreams are big and bold and summer endless.

Some people would tell me : '' Omg, you are living the dreeeeam! '' But, it didn’t feel quite like this…

Well, it kinda did, but it was like I wasn’t allowed to fully enjoy it. Or maybe I wasn’t allowing myself to do so… Guilt. That was the problem. And it still is, from time to time. The guilt of living in this wonderful part of the world without being able to work. Like I didn’t deserve all that… I should be working, no? Maybe not… Maybe it was the universe’s plan all along to force me to look deep inward and seek what my, well, soul truly desired!? That’s how I see it anyway.

This whole experience forced me to hit the pause button and completely reset everything, from my way of thinking to my way of living, from my perspective on life to my perspective on my goals and dreams. That is how I found what I believe to be my true life purpose. It obviously hasn’t been an overnight done deal. I had to really think and directly look at myself in a mirror. I had to take risks and get out of my comfort zone. And it is an endless process, I guess.

What I’m saying is that, if I hadn’t take that unplanned time off, I may have never find my voice, my path, MYSELF and that’s pretty damn big to me.

So, if you are as well in a situation that seems out of your control, maybe hit that pause button and turn your eyes inward. Look what’s hiding deep down in your core, in your heart. I swear, what you’ll find is gold. And is probably on of the paths to true #happiness.


Andy L.


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